Love Yourself: The Path to True Happiness.

On By Olajumoke OlaIn Inspiration, Personal DevelpomentLeave a comment

Love yourself even when you’re not at your best:

  • When you’re not going hard at your goals enough…
  • When you’re too tired to keep going
  • When you’ve lost focus and discipline to put in the work
  • When you messed up and everyone else in the world seems to hate you
  • When… Whenever.

 Just love yourself… 🧡

Because love is a healer and a builder. You don’t build anything solid and lasting and beautiful with hate or indifference.

You can have a strong dislike for flaws because they hinder you from being your best self but the path to overcoming them requires that you love yourself well enough to go about it in a healthy way. Not out of an obsession for perfection but because you truly love yourself enough to want the best for yourself. 

To pick yourself up from that low point to a much higher, more fulfilling point, you need to love yourself because love creates the right mindset and environment you need to become your best self.

We tend to look on the outside for love so often and then whatever feedback we get determines how much love we feel or have for ourselves. 

When the world isn’t hyping you up and telling you how much they love you, you start thinking, “maybe I’m not that lovable”.

You begin to ignore activities that require you to spend time alone with yourself and develop habits that neglect your self care and well-being including working on your goals to achieve a more fulfilling life.

Truly…

We accept the love we think we deserve.

— Stephen Chbosky

When you don’t think you deserve that much love, you’ll sabotage every opportunity to receive love from others.

Love your neighbor as yourself but many don’t even love themselves that much. So then, how much love can their neighbor get?

If you aren’t good at loving yourself, you will have a difficult time loving anyone, since you’ll resent the time and energy you give another person that you aren’t even giving to yourself.

— Barbara De Angelis

People who love themselves enough, healthily, not in a  narcissistic way, are more prone to radiate love and warmth and are more open to giving love to others.

And the more love you give to others, the more love you’re likely to get back (although you can expect that not all love given will be requited because, remember, some people don’t even love themselves enough to give love to others).

Loving yourself is a daily requirement. It requires intentionality and self awareness. Life can be filled with so much activity— it’s so easy to forget or be mindful about how we treat ourselves and how we see ourselves.

It’s so easy to get caught up in the urgency of life and not take time to reflect and appreciate yourself.

So how do you infuse loving yourself deliberately into your daily life?

  • Pay attention to your needs, don’t dismiss them or push them away
  • Prioritize your well being
  • Use gentle words on yourself: Don’t speak to yourself in a harsh or negative tone. 
  • Train your mind to always look for the good in yourself instead of focusing on your flaws
  • Pay attention to the energy you receive from the outside and how it’s affecting you internally. If it makes you bitter not better, it’s time to consider moving away from that space.
  • Spend more time on activities that help you discover yourself: your strengths, weaknesses, talents and inspirations.
  • Keep a journal to stay mindful and reflect on your experiences. Sort your thoughts to keep your mind clean and refreshed rather than carrying around baggage from external sources beyond your control.
  • Self care of course, is a great way to express self love. You care for the things or people you love. So spend time taking care of you:
    • Eat healthy food you love
    • Use great body care products to keep your body radiant
    • Exercise and stay fit
    • Wear nice clothes
    • Read nice books and consume great content that improves your mind and soul
    • Go to places that energise you in a healthy way and inspires you to be your best self
    • Spend more time with people who make you happy.

Fall in love with taking care of yourself. Fall in love with the path of deep healing. Fall in love with becoming the best version of yourself but with patience, with compassion, and respect to your own journey.

— S. McNutt

 

Put great effort into acquiring valuable skills and being of service. This helps you develop a sense of purpose and meaning— when you know you’re not just all about yourself but are also helping to improve the world in the best way you can.

Loving yourself daily takes deliberateness of effort. Life wouldn’t always be rosy and filled with happy moments but by being deliberate and prioritizing what matters, you can infuse love into your life without waiting for others to hand it over to you…

You can be genuinely happy or content without relying on external validation or approval. You can truly become better and radiate more love and warmth to others.

Find the love you seek, by first finding the love within yourself. Learn to rest in that place within you that is your true home.

— Sri Sri Ravi Shankar

The world needs more love. But love begins in you…

🧡

— Olajumoke Ola

Kindness is Much Deeper Than You Think.

On By Olajumoke OlaIn Community Development, Inspiration, Personal DevelpomentLeave a comment

Kindness is a really deep word. So deep that we humans can never fully comprehend what it takes to be “Kind”. Kindness covers so many other attributes that we typically don’t associate with it.

  • A kind person is a honest person.
  • A kind person is fair and just in their judgement
  • A kind person honors their word and wouldn’t deliberately disappoint those who trust them.
  • A kind person is quick to forgive because they know being unforgiving will bring suffering to those who hurt them.
  • A kind person apologizes deeply for their wrongs because even a kind person can make mistakes. He/ she’s still human you know.
  • A kind person speaks up for those who can’t speak for themselves and shows strong support to those who can’t support themselves.
  • A kind person looks out for the good in others.

A kind person always has work to do because kindness can be a full time job. There’s always someone or something in need of your kindness.

Kindness goes so deep that if a human were to embody it 24/7 they’ll probably never have a moment of free time or a single penny left in their bank account.

Kindness is so huge a responsibility that we humans can never really have it 100%. Why?

Humans feel fatigue.

We get tired; we lose motivation. We get discouraged. Beyond these, we all have our own issues and needs that may distract us or make us mentally/ emotionally unavailable to express true kindness every single time.

To fully embody kindness 24/7 would be like trying to compete with God for His role. But we DO need to keep trying. Kindness remains one of those traits— just like humility— that we can only keep aspiring to and keep working at being.

It is an ongoing effort.

A person may do great acts of kindness today and then follow up with unkindness or indifference the very next day. Or even, the very next minute.

It takes commitment to be Kind. But we also need to remember that kindness begins from within.

Remember to be kind to yourself. Because showing kindness to others without being kind to yourself is the greatest form of unkindness.

Kindness is the bedrock of righteousness.

The effects of kindness has such a strong ripple effect beyond what we can imagine. A simple act of kindness to one can inspire many to be kind and the one who received such kindness may become even more motivated to show kindness to others.

One of the reasons why people become unkind is because they have gone through so much unkindness or grew up in an unkind environment.

Most crimes committed in the world are called crimes because they are acts of unkindness that ended up causing hurt to someone or people.

If there’s one thing that needs to be dominant in prisons and rehabilitation centres, that thing would be kindness— reforming these minds by showing them what kindness really means.

We can reform these kinds of people not by total condemnation but by simple acts of kindness done repeatedly and consistently.

Kindness is a builder and a reformer. We can build truly great communities when we make kindness a bedrock for our actions.

🧡

— Olajumoke Ola

Time is The Teacher

On By Olajumoke OlaIn Life Lessons, Personal Develpoment, Reflections2 Comments

We usually say experience is the best teacher when really, TIME is the teacher. It is Time that makes experience valuable…

Your experiences tend to reveal different insights and lessons over the years. As you grow older and reflect on them, you tend to discover new meanings and insights sometimes, based on subsequent experiences.

When we meet someone new, there’s usually this euphoria we experience especially when we’re just getting to know them. People tend to be their nicest, their happiest and most amazing self in this phase.

The conversations, the hangouts, the hopes and aspirations for what can become of that new encounter makes it all so beautiful. And even when it’s not so much on a high note, there’s still a bit of curiosity and excitement about what may become of that new friendship/ acquaintance.

However, I have learned mostly from observation that sometimes we need to be a lil’ more patient or calm about our expectations. We need to low down a bit on the adrenaline rush that comes with new encounters.

People reveal their true selves over time. Not because they were hiding anything specifically but because in time, situations will arise that will do a better job of helping you discover who they can really be.

  • How do they act when offended?
  • Are they trustworthy or reliable?
  • Are they compatible for work or project collaborations?
  • Are they vibe killers or hardcore motivators?
  • Do they have a fixed mindset or are open to learning and growing?

These are not questions you can answer on the spot. You will have to learn from experience— experience that will only show up in due TIME.

Many have made the mistake of trusting too early and going hard on friendship too soon only to get burned in the end.

  • Give people space to reveal themselves.
  • Give people space to show you who they are— not who you want them to be.
  • Give people space to desire a friendship or acquaintance with you.
  • Give people space to come to you because they want to.

And when they do?

Show them that you truly value their honesty, openness and whatever commitment they put into building something worthy of keeping with you by reciprocating in perhaps even better ways, with an even better energy.

But someone has to initiate the process. This could be you, this could be them. Making the first move isn’t really the point— setting and maintaining a meaningful pace in the evolution of that friendship is the most important part.

The right pace gives you space to review your actions and make valuable adjustments over time.

The right pace gives you the opportunity to observe your relationships and ensure you don’t end up with regrets.

At the right pace, you learn without putting too much on the line.

Should you ever throw caution into the wind and just go for it? Well, you’ll have to answer that. But be ready to take responsibility for your actions. Time is a teacher and it can also be a healer. If things ever go wrong, hopefully you will heal in time…

🧡

— Olajumoke Ola.

Man’s Search for God

On By Olajumoke OlaIn Inspiration, Life Lessons, Personal Develpoment, Reflections, SpiritualityLeave a comment

Man is constantly given an opportunity to search for God— to experience his neediness of Him, to discover his own awareness of Him and submit his helplessness to Him.

  • The uncertainties of life
  • The quiet moments…
  • When nothing significant is happening
  • The moments of perceived stagnation
  • The moments of setback
  • The moments of fear and anxiety
  • The moments of regret and self-condemnation
  • The moments of undeserved miracles and deep inspiration…

These are all moments when that opportunity shows up. Everyone of us carries that question somewhere in our hearts:

Could there be more to this?

Maybe there truly is.

  • Is there someone behind all these?
  • Why do I always want more?
  • Why do I feel an emptiness sometimes, like there’s a void in my heart waiting to be filled?

Maybe there truly is a void. And indeed, it is waiting to be filled. But you will have to decide when— when you want to embark on the journey…

The journey to filling that void.

Because it is a journey…

One that will last a lifetime— a lifetime of learning and unlearning; a lifetime of contemplation and reflection; a lifetime of worship and service; a lifetime of recurring peace and tranquility…

A lifetime of satisfaction and fulfilment— of bliss, of pure hope and faith. And deep down in your heart, you will know with all conviction and gratitude…

You have finally found Him.

🧡

How to Win Friends and Influence People (My Version)

On By Olajumoke OlaIn Life Lessons, Personal Develpoment, Reflections5 Comments

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Reflecting back to my childhood, I used to be the child that hosts the other kids at play and whenever the day was boring I would wonder what the other kids were doing and go all out to seek them. Back in secondary school, having held class captain roles from primary school, I remember being able to interact with every single member of my class. Be you the “biggest boy/ girl” in class or the one that thinks he/she is a nobody, we would always find a common ground to get along or mess with each other (haha!).

University (and adulthood) showed up and I had become a lot more “careful” and mindful of my associations, while that might have seemed quite boring, it taught me a lot more about life. I still had that personality but it was reserved for intentional friendship and nothing more.

Now, learning more and discovering myself: my strengths, weaknesses, passions and life principles, I have begun to explore meaningful interactions with people where I work and whenever I have the opportunity to be around people. I enjoy observing the diversity in human nature: every man/woman is unique, there is something different about everyone, therefore different strokes for different folks.

Well have you read that book by Dale Carnegie- How to Win Friends and Influence People? I have but this is not an excerpt, this is my version 🙂

How to Win Friends and Influence People Continue reading “How to Win Friends and Influence People (My Version)” →

Educated Entrepreneurship: The Pain Reliever to Nigeria’s Economic Headache

On By Olajumoke OlaIn InspirationLeave a comment

Source: Sell and Succeed

Education here is not restricted to “education” in conventional terms: going to school or getting a degree, rather any kind of education that fosters self and community development- the ability to seek and utilize [keyword: utilize] knowledge through every ethical means.

Education is not limited to the four-walls of any school. It is simply a process of acquiring relevant and useful knowledge be it under a mango tree or in the massive Amphitheatre in Obafemi Awolowo University (O.A.U.) in Nigeria.

Yes you have a degree but are you educated though?

You can’t claim to be educated until you can truly add or create meaningful value with what you know. A lot of people went to school but cannot create or give meaningful value with what they learnt and that’s our problem!

Continue reading “Educated Entrepreneurship: The Pain Reliever to Nigeria’s Economic Headache” →

Anniversary Confessions: How I Overcame my “Fear of Writing”

On By Olajumoke OlaIn Life Lessons, Personal Develpoment, Reflections3 Comments

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My writing ability remains a miracle to behold: I basically had to pray my way into it. Fear of mediocrity (or yarning dust), perfectionism, over-reliance on self motivation that wasn’t forthcoming and so on held me back like a curse. I would include “write…” in my to-do list everyday and then end up with a blank slate- “nothing to write home about”.

All my adult life I have always had series of notebooks I carry around like a purse. There I write down random to deep thoughts that show up in my mind from time to time. I would question myself, criticize myself, and ginger myself in these notebooks.

However I noticed something… each time I went through such exercise, it was usually accompanied by some kind of serenity or fierce will that previously never existed. It elevated me from mediocrity and momentary bouts of indiscipline to excellence and diligence on several occasions most remarkably while in the university.

I would hold “motivational talks” with myself and sometimes imagine myself speaking to some imaginary audience with me seated in the front row but whenever I tried to articulate them in writing I failed.

English Language turned out to be much more difficult than I thought!

And then one day I summoned courage.

Continue reading “Anniversary Confessions: How I Overcame my “Fear of Writing”” →

Self-Reflection: The Path to a Better Life

On By Olajumoke OlaIn Life Lessons, Personal Develpoment, ReflectionsLeave a comment

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I hear people say things like “Don’t take advice except its some accomplished guru telling you what to do with your life.”

But some of the most effective advice you’ll ever get are the ones that comes from within… Your conscience. Sadly people tend to run from their conscience until they hear those same words again from some accomplished guru they claim to respect or admire.

No one knows your journey better than you. No one knows your life mistakes, strengths and weaknesses better than you. It is just that we tend to ignore these things and then wait until someone else comes to validate their existence.

One way to get in touch with our conscience is by reflection…

*Silence*

But many run, they flee from this very act. How many people have the mind to stand face to face with the truth— the hard-core-truth— which is what our conscience presents to us?

Lessons from the Past…

One of my best accomplishments, all thanks to God, sprang up from a moment of deep, intense self-reflection even before I knew what that was: Me, alone with my thoughts, reflecting upon my then present and past circumstances.

It was back in the university, and no, I wasn’t messing around, I just wasn’t doing enough. I was a bit distracted and was taking certain things for granted.

I started out great, though not on purpose. I underestimated my abilities until I saw my first ever result… a 4.83 GPA, first semester, 100 level (first year). Along the way, I started getting comfortable and my performance started fluctuating. Still on a first class over all but I wasn’t putting in my best effort to not just maintain it but even improve upon it. At some point I consciously aimed for a 5.0 GPA per semester but then instead of hitting it I was sliding even farther behind.

It was time again for exams, second semester, 300 level (Year 3) and I set out to read in an empty lecture room (being a “people person”- interested in people either by observation or by interaction, I concentrate better studying alone than with people around me). I didn’t plan to reflect, it just happened. I found myself writing to myself on a piece of paper:

“What is wrong with you?”

Then I started listing out everything that was indeed wrong with me. In a while I was staring at my weaknesses face to face.

No, I didn’t wait for my parents or anyone to notice and then talk about it. I confronted myself.

And then it happened…

All thanks to God, I hit the 5.0 GPA in first semester 400 level! Although I encountered another realization through reflection on why it took so long to get it (I may share that in another post, someday), remember this:

You do not have to sit for hours at a motivational seminar, or spend days reading motivational books to confront the weaknesses of your life.

Sometimes we get so addicted to reading motivational stuff without really channeling the energy obtained on anything worthwhile. My own personal confrontation with myself produced one of the biggest motivations I could ever find, at that moment.

Reading motivational books and articles post-uni has helped me to improve the process of personal development and has given me more profound things to think and reflect upon. It has helped to refine my thoughts and actions and become even better at self assessment. It has helped to improve my writing skills too, to the point where I can share lessons articulately with you and I.

But all these wouldn’t mean much if I don’t make use of all the insights and skills gained to step up and  improve my life.

So my dear friend, what are you waiting for? Brian Tracy’s upcoming book on “Time Management and Productivity”? Done a pre-order yet? Or you’re waiting for your spouse or parents to notice how “slacky” you have been lately and then give you an hour’s worth of lecture before you take necessary steps to make necessary changes?

At every point in our lives, we will always need self-reflection so that we do not lose sight of our goals, or lose focus needed to live on purpose and attain fulfillment in life. And yes, this is me looking back at my journey so far to find wisdom and motivation for the present and then the future.

Go ahead and confront all such weaknesses that are holding you back from your breakthrough. Let your conscience help you grow, God put it in you for a reason!

EXPERIENCE: How to Unlock Your Well of Wisdom

On By Olajumoke OlaIn Life Lessons, Personal DevelpomentLeave a comment

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Experience is like an orange… what you squeeze out is what you get. You have to squeeze as much juice from your orange as you can get, taste it and then savor the sweetness or sourness of it.

Many people let their experiences go without getting anything meaningful out of them. They see and feel things happen but they never question, they never ask, they never ponder, they never wonder. They just live through them and move on to the next. Oh, what a waste!

Our life basically, is made up of experiences. From the day we were born till the day we die, it’s all just experiences upon experiences- our own personal experiences and the shared experiences of others.

And embedded in our life experiences is the key to great wisdom if only man would reflect.

An open mind, not limited by critical thinking and skepticism is one of the great attributes of a man or woman with wisdom. When you allow biased beliefs and opinions get in the way of your analyses or learning you hardly get anything meaningful or mind-enriching out of it.

When other people share their life experiences with you, it is not for your entertainment. Listen, question, ponder and reflect, there’s something for you as well. What lessons can you obtain from your own experiences and those of other people?

A smart way to live… Continue reading “EXPERIENCE: How to Unlock Your Well of Wisdom” →

THE EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE GAME 1.0

On By Olajumoke OlaIn Personal DevelpomentLeave a comment

emotional intelligence

Really, I find complaining or feeling bad about unaccomplished goals or target a waste of time.

You are not a machine; there are times when you don’t meet your own high expectations of yourself. Beating yourself up or playing the blame game is a mere waste of time and expendable energy. And guess what? That would only lead to negative outcomes like depression and pessimism, low self esteem and even maybe unnecessarily high blood pressure.

Well, here’s some good news: You can change your (over-the-top or bad-hormones-producing) mood as soon as within the next 60 seconds. Haha.. yeah, 60 seconds. Wondering how? I do it every time and anytime this happens. Continue reading “THE EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE GAME 1.0” →